Life as a Telephone Operator

At one of my workplaces, I used to be a Telephone Operator before being promoted to Server Administrator.  I was very grateful for that job, but I didn't like it one bit: answering phones for a living is NOT my idea of fun. Every now and again, when a few of our clients open the flood gates from hell, I get called in to help ease the intense call answering from my co-worker's shoulders. I grab my headset (rather the radio to the mosh pit), and march my way through the glass doors to the gates of hell. And it seems that it's only hell when I'm answering. 

This is the standard process I tend to go through when answering a call:

Good Morning - Thank you for calling ABC company! How can I assist you today? 

Now see, this is the part where you place your impossibly cheerful smile against your next victim. It's kind of like the devil, inviting people in for a seat with chocolate cake!

<Um... Yes - I would like to speak to Bob.>

Of course you do. I don't really care who - I will find the name that looks like the person you think I know, and then enter the screen.

Of course - one moment please!

I now automatically expect to take a message - because that's what you do 90% of the time.

I'm sorry, it appears they are not available at the moment. Can I take a message?

Again - think of the devil handing you cake with a wicked smile... It can be great to deny the customer when you are in a bad mood. This oddly reminds me of Garfield...

<Well, could you please send me to their voice mail?>

No, I'm sorry - they don't give me the authority to do that. But I can take a message!

I am now face-palming. PLEASE leave a message and let me continue on with my death sentence. You have no idea how many times I've done this just today. The repetitiveness is killing me slowly, from the inside out.

<Fine. Tell them to call me back ASAP!>

Sure thing! Call back as soon as possible. Alright - and can I get your name and callback number?

<*click*>

Awesome. I get left without a name or number because they were too impatient to give me it in the first place. So I get to attempt caller ID for the phone number, and I will give them Carl A' for the name. NEXT?

Of course this is an exaggeration, but at times it can sure feel like this. But my favorite calls are the ones where as soon as you pick up you get a screaming banshee because they were put on hold for a minute. Loverly. Learn some patience please.

So yeah, Telephone Operator is not my desired job. I don't mind helping out too much, but preferably for a short period of time. I believe one can learn the standard intelligence level of the average human being by answering phones for 8 hours. By then you end up realizing that you probably spoke to a handful of smart people, and the other few hundred were dumber than dirt. Oh well - that's life.